Back at Work

I did it, I survived my first week back at work...sort of! My first week was only 3 days long, and it was hard enough. Monday was the worst, and I was much better by Wednesday (but maybe that was only because I knew I'd be spending Thursday and Friday with my little guy...). I cried all day on Monday, and when I wasn't crying I was showing my co-workers pictures of Tyler. It was not a very productive day ;) It was rough because Mike and I carpool to work. I usually drop him off on my way, and that's what we did on Monday morning, but then I also dropped Tyler off at the day care. I was in the car with my family when we left the house, but by the time I got to work I was all alone. Oh, it was so sad! It was all so new, too. I had to take a completely different route to work because I had to swing by the day care on the way. It just sort of marked another change in my life, I guess. I'm still a little sad that I have to go back to work in the morning, but it will luckily be another short week. I think that easing back into work is the way to go...so many emotions are stirred up inside of me.

It is so amazing how in love with this little guy I am! All I want to do is hold him and gaze at him, try to get a smile out of him, hug him, sing to him...and nothing he does makes me upset or mad or frustrated. If he pees all over the place while I'm changing his diaper, I just laugh. If he's crying because he wants another bottle, I just want to cuddle him and feed him. When he's sleeping, I just want to pick him up and put him on my chest.

When I met Mike, I never thought that I could be more in love with anyone than I was with him. But now he's got MAJOR competition :)

12 Weeks and 2 Days Old

One of my co-workers told me that the anticipation of leaving your child with a daycare provider is much worse than actually doing it. I go back to work in 2 days and it's really hard for me to fathom not being with Tyler during the day anymore. I don't even want to think about it, but it's lurking in the back of my mind all the time.

Besides all that mess in my head, Tyler is really growing like a weed! He's still lifting his head up, only more often now and for longer periods of time while on his tummy...and I swear I thought he said "ma" the other day! He's also smiling SO much now! We discovered he has 4 dimples, not two! I cannot explain the utter joy I feel when he smiles at me...there's no feeling like it in the world!

11 Weeks and 4 Days

I'm going back to work in a week! Seriously, I thought I would be jumping at the chance to go back, but actually, I'm hesitant. Not because I don't want to work (I think I will always want to work) but because I just wish I had a little more time with Tyler. In Europe, moms get 6 months of paid maternity leave! How great would that be? Don't get me wrong, I'm SUPER thankful that my job has allowed me 12 weeks already, especially since I think my old job would have only given me 6 weeks! It just has been so great to be with Tyler and watch him grow. I was looking back at pictures from when we first brought him home and comparing them to what he looks like now...such a short amount of time and so much change!

Speaking of change and growth...Tyler is consistently holding his head up when he's laying on his stomach now! He's almost pushing up with his arms, and wriggling around on his belly like he's trying to figure out how to crawl! It is so great watching him accomplish all of these things...I'm really going to miss spending so much time with him when I go back to work.

10 Weeks and 1 Day

Tyler had his 2 month well-baby check-up this afternoon. He got 4 vaccination shots (DTaP, Hib, IPV, and PCV7). Poor little guy...I couldn't stand to watch them do so many, so Mike and I spoke with the doctor while the nurses gave Ty his shots - two in each thigh! :(

The good news is that he's healthy and happy! He weighs 13.5 lbs and is 23 inches long/tall.

You know, it is just brutal what women have to go through in their lives. I don't think that I've experienced emotions as deeply in my entire life as those I've experienced within the last 3 months. We get pregnant, which is a wonderful experience and the closest to God that I've ever felt, but our bodies change so drastically and sometimes so suddenly. But yet, we deal with it and many women take it all in stride (I tried not to complain too much about aches or nausea). Then we go through labor and delivery, which is the craziest emotional roller-coaster I've ever been on. Once we come home with our new family member, we're then expected to know how to do and handle everything related to this tiny, delicate person. Women are the last line of defense...if your husband/boyfriend/partner doesn't know what to do with the baby, they turn to you! Once the shock of a new and different lifestyle has faded, some women have to go back to work. I'm telling you that 3 months of maternity leave seems like a long time, but right now it doesn't seem like enough. I will miss snuggling in the mornings with my son and being able to pick him up and hold him whenever I want, and watch him take his afternoon nap. And we're expected to handle everything so gosh-darned well! I feel like I should run and hide when I need to cry, or that I need to turn my feelings into a lighthearted anecdote to be told months later, when I've rationalized my mind into accepting that I cannot be with Tyler every second of the day. Whoever said that having a child is forever deciding to let your heart walk around outside of your body knew all this. The term bundle of joy is so true! I thought that there was no way that I could be happier than when Mike and I got married, but I truly am happiest when Mike, Tyler and I are out for a walk, snuggled on the couch, or playing on the floor together.

When we first brought Tyler home, I was so overwhelmed with the responsibility of taking care of him. I even confided to Mike that I couldn't wait until Ty was old enough to crawl or even sit up...wishing away those newborn times. Now that I'm only a couple of weeks away from returning to work, I want to hold him all the time and stare at him and make him smile, because he'll never be 10 weeks and 1 day old ever again. His cute baby grunting will soon become toddler cries or whines and his cute toothless grin will soon give way to teething.

I guess this nostalgia will soon fade when we get into a permanent schedule of work and day-care. But for now, I'm going to go and hold my son as much as possible.