Back at Work

I did it, I survived my first week back at work...sort of! My first week was only 3 days long, and it was hard enough. Monday was the worst, and I was much better by Wednesday (but maybe that was only because I knew I'd be spending Thursday and Friday with my little guy...). I cried all day on Monday, and when I wasn't crying I was showing my co-workers pictures of Tyler. It was not a very productive day ;) It was rough because Mike and I carpool to work. I usually drop him off on my way, and that's what we did on Monday morning, but then I also dropped Tyler off at the day care. I was in the car with my family when we left the house, but by the time I got to work I was all alone. Oh, it was so sad! It was all so new, too. I had to take a completely different route to work because I had to swing by the day care on the way. It just sort of marked another change in my life, I guess. I'm still a little sad that I have to go back to work in the morning, but it will luckily be another short week. I think that easing back into work is the way to go...so many emotions are stirred up inside of me.

It is so amazing how in love with this little guy I am! All I want to do is hold him and gaze at him, try to get a smile out of him, hug him, sing to him...and nothing he does makes me upset or mad or frustrated. If he pees all over the place while I'm changing his diaper, I just laugh. If he's crying because he wants another bottle, I just want to cuddle him and feed him. When he's sleeping, I just want to pick him up and put him on my chest.

When I met Mike, I never thought that I could be more in love with anyone than I was with him. But now he's got MAJOR competition :)

12 Weeks and 2 Days Old

One of my co-workers told me that the anticipation of leaving your child with a daycare provider is much worse than actually doing it. I go back to work in 2 days and it's really hard for me to fathom not being with Tyler during the day anymore. I don't even want to think about it, but it's lurking in the back of my mind all the time.

Besides all that mess in my head, Tyler is really growing like a weed! He's still lifting his head up, only more often now and for longer periods of time while on his tummy...and I swear I thought he said "ma" the other day! He's also smiling SO much now! We discovered he has 4 dimples, not two! I cannot explain the utter joy I feel when he smiles at me...there's no feeling like it in the world!

11 Weeks and 4 Days

I'm going back to work in a week! Seriously, I thought I would be jumping at the chance to go back, but actually, I'm hesitant. Not because I don't want to work (I think I will always want to work) but because I just wish I had a little more time with Tyler. In Europe, moms get 6 months of paid maternity leave! How great would that be? Don't get me wrong, I'm SUPER thankful that my job has allowed me 12 weeks already, especially since I think my old job would have only given me 6 weeks! It just has been so great to be with Tyler and watch him grow. I was looking back at pictures from when we first brought him home and comparing them to what he looks like now...such a short amount of time and so much change!

Speaking of change and growth...Tyler is consistently holding his head up when he's laying on his stomach now! He's almost pushing up with his arms, and wriggling around on his belly like he's trying to figure out how to crawl! It is so great watching him accomplish all of these things...I'm really going to miss spending so much time with him when I go back to work.

10 Weeks and 1 Day

Tyler had his 2 month well-baby check-up this afternoon. He got 4 vaccination shots (DTaP, Hib, IPV, and PCV7). Poor little guy...I couldn't stand to watch them do so many, so Mike and I spoke with the doctor while the nurses gave Ty his shots - two in each thigh! :(

The good news is that he's healthy and happy! He weighs 13.5 lbs and is 23 inches long/tall.

You know, it is just brutal what women have to go through in their lives. I don't think that I've experienced emotions as deeply in my entire life as those I've experienced within the last 3 months. We get pregnant, which is a wonderful experience and the closest to God that I've ever felt, but our bodies change so drastically and sometimes so suddenly. But yet, we deal with it and many women take it all in stride (I tried not to complain too much about aches or nausea). Then we go through labor and delivery, which is the craziest emotional roller-coaster I've ever been on. Once we come home with our new family member, we're then expected to know how to do and handle everything related to this tiny, delicate person. Women are the last line of defense...if your husband/boyfriend/partner doesn't know what to do with the baby, they turn to you! Once the shock of a new and different lifestyle has faded, some women have to go back to work. I'm telling you that 3 months of maternity leave seems like a long time, but right now it doesn't seem like enough. I will miss snuggling in the mornings with my son and being able to pick him up and hold him whenever I want, and watch him take his afternoon nap. And we're expected to handle everything so gosh-darned well! I feel like I should run and hide when I need to cry, or that I need to turn my feelings into a lighthearted anecdote to be told months later, when I've rationalized my mind into accepting that I cannot be with Tyler every second of the day. Whoever said that having a child is forever deciding to let your heart walk around outside of your body knew all this. The term bundle of joy is so true! I thought that there was no way that I could be happier than when Mike and I got married, but I truly am happiest when Mike, Tyler and I are out for a walk, snuggled on the couch, or playing on the floor together.

When we first brought Tyler home, I was so overwhelmed with the responsibility of taking care of him. I even confided to Mike that I couldn't wait until Ty was old enough to crawl or even sit up...wishing away those newborn times. Now that I'm only a couple of weeks away from returning to work, I want to hold him all the time and stare at him and make him smile, because he'll never be 10 weeks and 1 day old ever again. His cute baby grunting will soon become toddler cries or whines and his cute toothless grin will soon give way to teething.

I guess this nostalgia will soon fade when we get into a permanent schedule of work and day-care. But for now, I'm going to go and hold my son as much as possible.

9 Weeks Old!

Yeah, I can't believe it, either! Time sure flies nowadays. My maternity leave will be over at the end of April. I'm sort of looking forward to going back to work, but not looking forward to being away from Tyler all that time. :( Will he still know that I'm his mom when he's spending most of his waking hours at a day care? I'm going to miss him so much...I won't be able to hug and kiss him whenever I want to, and right when I have to go back to work, he'll be smiling more and sitting up more. I will probably miss a lot of his firsts, too...I'm starting to get teary-eyed right now just thinking about it! I can definitely see why a lot of women decide to stay home with their kids, even if they didn't plan to before.

Anyway, Tyler's starting to hold his head up more, now! When we hold him under his arms, he likes to push himself up with his legs and he can keep his head upright for several seconds at a time. He really loves laying under his play gym and batting at the toys with his arms and feet. He lay there for at least an hour while I put up new curtain rods and curtains in the living room!

He's also getting pretty chubby...we only feed him when he cries to be fed, and if it's too close to his previous feeding, we try to distract him and hold off until it's been 3 hours. Most of the time, he drinks 5 to 6 ounces at a time now. He's just so adorable, I'm kind of glad he's chubby so I can give him hugs instead of little pats on his back :)

Pictures!

Here are some pictures from our visit with Mike's brother and his wife, Dave and Rebecca:

This is Rebecca with a very content Tyler

Here's Tyler checking out his Uncle Chad

Tyler and I were pretty tired the next day

Finally, a group picture before we had to leave :)

Time Flies!

Wow, I can't believe it's been less than a week since my last post. Tyler will be 8 weeks tomorrow...craziness! So much has happened! We took Ty on his first road trip over the weekend to visit Mike's brother and his wife in North Carolina. Dave (Mike's brother) is in the Marines and will be deployed this summer, so we wanted to make sure we were able to see him and let Tyler meet him before he left. The drive was a little over 4 hours, and Tyler made the drive beautifully! We stopped once on the way down to feed him, and didn't have to stop at all on the way home. Luckily, the car ride lulls him to sleep, and he's good for 4 or 5 hours :)

We were only in NC for one night, but Dave was able to show us the helicopter he flies and Tyler was also able to meet his Aunt Rebecca and Uncle Chad for the first time, as well as see his grandparents again.

Tyler has also been sleeping in his crib every night, so far! We put him down around 9 pm and still go in to feed him about every 3 hours or so. Sometimes he goes for 4 or more hours between feedings, but it's usually 3 hours. Right now, Mike is doing the midnight feeding, and I'm doing the 3 am feeding. It's working really well, because once Tyler's in his crib, Mike and I actually have some alone time together in the evenings! One night, though, we didn't realize the baby monitor's batteries had run out and neither of us got up for Tyler's 3 am feeding. Mike was the one who heard him crying at 6 am! I don't know if Ty woke up at 3 am, but I assume he did and cried and cried himself back to sleep :( We felt so terrible! The next two days after that, I made sure I was at his side the second he started crying. Anyway, we didn't make that mistake again, and the monitor has fully charged batteries!

Today, Tyler was holding his head up while sitting. I had to support him sitting up, of course, but he was holding his head up for several seconds at a time! I held him up by his underarms and he was pushing off the ground with his feet to a standing position AND holding up his head! My boy is so strong :) I told his Daddy all about it, and when he came home, Tyler showed him, too!

Seven Weeks Old!

Tyler is seven weeks old today. Wow, I really can't believe it. I was looking at pictures of him from just a few weeks ago, and he looked so tiny! He's so big now...and fitting perfectly in his 0 -3 month clothes. I expect he'll be wearing his 3 - 6 month clothes way before he's 3 months old!

We bought this really awesome diaper "bag" for short daytrips. It's called the Essentials Diaper Bag. We got ours from Target, but I'm sure that you can find it at other baby or department stores. It's great, it has room for a couple of diapers, wipes, an insulated bottle holder, and lots of pockets for keys, wallet, etc. The best part is that it's worn across your chest, so that both hands are free, and you don't have to worry about a bag falling off your shoulder while bending over to pick up or talk to your baby!

Two nights ago, we started putting Tyler in his crib at night. We need him to get into a schedule before I go back to work at the end of April. It was really hard at first. He would cry and cry (and I cried, too, while holding the baby monitor), but I went into his room to comfort him and kiss him every 10 minutes or so. Eventually, he stopped crying and fell asleep and only woke up to be fed during the night. I couldn't believe it, but I also missed him so much already, and he was only in the next room! When he woke up at 6 am to be fed, Mike picked him up and brought him to me so I could snuggle with Tyler for a little bit. I fed him and we read a few new books together in bed. Last night was pretty much the same thing, but I think both Tyler and I cried more! Eventually, Tyler did settle down and fall asleep, again only waking up to be fed at night. I hope this gets easier :(

This morning, I wanted to see if Tyler could track objects with his eyes. I showed him a squeaky toy, and once he caught sight of it, I moved it around and he followed it with his eyes and even turned his head to it! I did it several times just to make sure it wasn't a coincidence the first time.

Almost 6 weeks

Tomorrow Tyler will be 6 weeks old! A month ago, I thought we'd never get to this point. I don't dread nights so much anymore, even though Tyler went through his 6-week growth spurt earlier this week. He was waking and eating every 2 hours on the dot.

On Monday, I had my post-partum doctor's appointment. Wow, I really missed my doctor! She's so nice and understanding...it was nice to be able to see her so often when I was pregnant, but now I'll only see her for my yearly checkups! But I did have a great talk with her during my appointment (and she got to meet and hold little Tyler). She made me realize that I hadn't gotten a full night's sleep since he was born. She suggested that I work something out with Mike for one night during the weekend where I sleep a full 8 hours uninterrupted. She even gave me a prescription for Ambien (though I don't think I'll need it). I talked to Mike about it last night, and he said that he would let me sleep through on Friday nights. Ahhhh...that will be so nice! Nowadays, when I get 3 or 4 hours of sleep at a stretch, I'm feeling pretty good!

After my appointment, Tyler had his 6 week check-up. He weighs 10 lbs 6 oz! And he got another booster shot for Hepatitis B. He was so good during the whole day! The pediatrician is really happy with his growth and muscle development. Looks like Mike and I are doing something right :)

Yesterday afternoon, Tyler and I even made it out early enough to meet Mike at work for lunch. We stayed for a couple of hours so that some of Mike's co-workers could stop by to meet Tyler. Last week, Mike had realized that a lot of people at his office were sick, so he got a hold of one of those anti-bacterial gel dispensers and installed it on his cubicle wall! It was pretty handy yesterday, because I didn't mind anyone holding Tyler once they used some of that anti-bacterial gel :)

Today, my goal is to work on some birth announcements...we'll see how that goes! The rest of this week is supposed to be gorgeous, so I want to get that stuff done today and spend all week outside with Tyler!

He slept through the night!

Really! Last night was the first time Tyler slept from midnight to 4 am! I was able to sleep from 11:30 pm to 4 am, and Mike actually fell asleep with Tyler until 4 am (when he would usually wake me up at 2 am to hand-off Tyler). So, I fed Ty for about 45 minutes, and he went right back to sleep until 8 this morning! I think both Mike and I got more sleep last night than either of us has gotten since Tyler's birth!

Tyler's 5th week has been much better...and now time seems to have flown by. We can't believe he's over a month old now! He had a small bout of severe diaper rash (his poor little bottom was chapped and bleeding!) but the peidatrician told us to just rinse off his bum with water during each diaper change, and wipe with unscented baby wipes. We also had to blow dry the rash area, then dab Maalox (really!) on it to help with the open sores. We blew dry the Maalox, and then applied diaper cream (we used Butt Paste). Finally, we put his diaper on! Diaper changes became quite a production, but Tyler healed in a couple of days and now we know what to do if it happens again.

My breasts have started to hurt, I don't know exactly why, but they hurt more if I'm breastfeeding rather than pumping. I'm going to call my doctor to try and come in before my 6-week check-up and see what's going on. Tyler's definitely eating more now, and a lactation consultant from the hospital said that my breasts could be aching because I'm producing more milk for Tyler.

Mike and I are completely in love with our son, though! The feelings are so amazing! I could stare at Tyler all day, and Mike will look at him and just comment on how beautiful he is :) The other day, we talked about how we couldn't wait until Tyler was old enough to hug and squeeze tight. Right now, we just give him about a hundred kisses a day :)

I love to dance with Ty...we dance to Michael Buble and Gavin DeGraw. I think Tyler studies me when I sing to him. I hope he grows up loving music as much as I do!

Weeks 3 and 4

Week 3 - Just Me and My Boy

I was still pretty emotional during Tyler's 3rd week of life, so Mike graciously decided to stay home from work for a few more days. I still found myself crying about something every day, but Mike could easily console me and cheer me up. Tyler's original due date was Wednesday, February 15 (also Mike's 26th birthday!) and he was doing so well...keep growing, Ty!

I was anxious about Thursday, which was the first day Mike would return to work, but I ended up spending most of it feeding Tyler and catching up on missed sleep. On Friday, Tyler and I relaxed in the morning and went over to my sister-in-law's house to go for a walk with her and her girls. When Mike and his brother came home, we all went out to TGIFriday's to celebrate Mike's birthday. Tyler slept right through all the noise and chaos at the restaurant!

Happy birthday, Dad!

Week 4 - A schedule, sort of

On Monday, February 20, we took Tyler in to see his pediatrician for another weight check. He weighed 9 lbs even! All on breastmilk, thank you very much! That was President's Day, so Mike had that day off, and we were able to bring him to the doctor together.

Monday evening, I played volleyball for the first time since I was about 6 months pregnant. It felt awkward, but still good to move and exercise! I don't know what my doctor would say about it, but I didn't push myself hard and I would have stopped playing if I felt weak or was in pain.

The rest of the week was pretty uneventful. Tyler and I finally had a daily schedule...sort of! He's still up a lot during the night, and since Mike has to go to work, I nap from about 10 or 11 pm until about 2 am while Mike takes care of Tyler. Then, Tyler's all mine from 2 am on. I'm usually able to sneak in a nap or two during the day, especially in the morning, after Mike has left for work and Tyler's fed. We spend the afternoons either going for a walk or running errands. When Mike gets home, he takes over for a little while, and we also get to spend some adult time together.

I was a lot less emotional during Tyler's 4th week of life. I think the whole shock of a different life finally wore off (having somewhat of a schedule also helped!).

First days

February 25, 2006

Tyler is 4 weeks and 2 days old today! I'm playing a little bit of catch-up here...I want to record my experience as a new mom. This picture was actually taken the first day we had him home, when he was only 5 days old.

Week 1 - Healing myself
The first week was a little rough. Tyler was in the hospital for an extra two days so that he could be treated for jaundice. There were 5 or 6 other newborns in the hospital nursery being treated for jaundice, too, but since MY baby was in there, it was a big deal! I went home on Saturday, and my mom stayed with us the first week, while Mike went back to work. We spent Sunday and Monday driving back and forth to the hospital to visit Tyler and feed him every other feeding. While I was home, I would pump breastmilk and bring it to the nursery nurses so that they could feed him during the feedings that I missed. It was so hard seeing my little boy under those lights and leaving him each time. I must have cried at least once a day, especially when I thought of him in the nursery away from me and Mike. We were finally able to bring him home on Tuesday morning (January 31). That day, he already weighed 6 lbs 13 oz, almost his birthweight of 6 lbs 14.8 oz.

My mom was a great big help during that first week. She cooked, cleaned, did the laundry and dishes...I don't think my house was ever that clean before (or ever will be again!). My uterus was constantly cramping, not severe, but dull annoying cramps, and my episiotomy stitches hurt if I sat for a long time. So, I mostly lay down and put my legs up (to reduce the swelling in my legs), and only sat up to feed Tyler or pump. The breast engorgement hit me the day I went home from the hospital and lasted 3 or 4 days. My breasts were enormous! They were painfully hard, too. I wanted to pump all the time just to relieve the pain, but then couldn't pump too much or my body would just keep producing milk. When the engorgement finally ended, it was such a relief, and breastfeeding Tyler was 10 times easier. I used a nipple shield while engorged because Tyler couldn't latch on to my gigantic breasts!

We went to the pediatrician on Thursday, after we brought Tyler home, and he was looking good and the jaundice was definitely subsiding.

Week 2 - Family Time

The second week was a little easier, not much, but a little. My episiotomy finally started to feel better and the swelling in my legs and feet went away. I was sort of getting the hang of feeding Tyler and was a pro at changing diapers. I was finally feeling well enough to walk around and do some easy chores. Mike stayed home that week, too. It was so nice to have all three of us together! We took Tyler to the pediatrician for his 2 week check-up, and he weighed in at 7 lbs 5 oz! He's definitely gaining weight!

My hormones were still raging, and I think I cried about something or other every single day. Mike was was great about it, always there to comfort me but never getting annoyed at my roller-coaster of emotions.

That was the week that I began feeling overwhelmed, too. I was sort of dreading the end of the week, because I knew Mike would have to go back to work and I would be alone with Tyler. I didn't have a lot of confidence in myself yet and I was afraid I would mess up somehow. I also began dreading the nights and the lack of sleep. I hadn't yet come to terms with the new life we would be leading...no sleep and worrying about every little sound that Tyler made.